Disorderlies

OK, this is Corina's pick for this week, she doesn't have a blog account and doesn't draw but she wants to pick movies, whatever.

I am in the mood for some good 'ol 1980's rap! When I think of this movie, the word "cheese" comes to mind. You gotta see it once in your life or you haven't lived!

Yay a Ritual!

Ghoulies = crappy Gremlins nock-off.

This was classified as a Comedy/Horror and it failed miserably in both genres! Even the stoner character failed at being funny; and those types of characters usually get a couple chuckles out of me.

I give this movie 1 Slightly Offset Glowing Contact out of 5.

This movie was so goofy; and not even in a good way.

~B-Man

80's... you've failed me again

OK, I was hoping for a little pot of 80's gold but all I found was a pile of false advertising.
Ghoulies, they'll get you in the end.
Well they never really got any screen time that's for sure.
I was promised some puppet mayhem and all we really got was over the hill actors (bad ones) playing college students with horrible, boring, writing.
The premise was OK, a guy finds some black magic satanic stuff in his basement and accidentally awakens the bad guy. But the execution of this movie was all bad. I could go on but I shant.
My mom wins, she didn't take me to this movie when I was young and I'm glad she didn't because I would have been bored to sleep watching this as a kid.

The good: scary as hell clown sitting in the room, awesome dead guy that pops out of the grave.
The bad: where the hell were the Ghoulies???
The ugly: the actors, they were all hit with the ugly stick at the casting call (I guess the good looking actors are more expensive)

Lesson: Next time you watch a Ghoulies movie, make sure it actually has Ghoulies in it.

I give this pile o crap 1 could have been funs out of 5

The Case of the Missing Puppets

Ghoulies let me down man, it let me down hard.

I thought this was going to be a fun little movie where little puppets wreak havoc on a group of college kids.

What we get is a 40 year old 'college kid' reciting some rituals and fighting with the chicken lady.

I didn't mind the characters, cliché as they are, they fit the type of movie. The problem with this movie is that they sold you a bill of goods, promising Boglin Ghoulie mayhem, but the Boglins Ghoulies were few and far between.

Drama between humans is BOOoooOOooring. Puppets are the spice of life. Write that down.

The Goods: Goofy looking actors and laughable situations.

The Bads: Where's the beef? Puppets?

The Moral: More puppets equal more fun! >:(

Rating: 2 boglins out of 5

Ghoulies Was Full of Pooies.

Well... this movie almost made me speechless. Other then a lightening beam stare showdown I really don't remember very much! I am pretty sure this movie had a little bit of everything from every genre. It had raising of the dead, black magic rituals, home renovations, college students, parties, goblins, and little short people that looked like gnomes!!! Exhilarating. Jonathan inherits a mansion and decides 'hey this creepy stuff in the basement looks like fun, I'm gonna give it a try'. Thus resulting in wonky, kool-aid green eyes (possibly glaucoma), an anger problem and an ex-girlfriend. His "minions" turn their backs on him, and his friends get killed. The house falls apart, and his "servant" is left to fight the original evil master!

Moral of the story: Black magic will leave you with nothing!

The best: Firework laser beams that shoots from everyones eyes (like an epic battle against Noheart). It almost made up for the terrible acting! Oh and the cute little pug-like ghoulie.

The worst: the menacing ghoulies, they barely make an appearance! They should have called the movie "Crap-The First of Four". At least you would know what to expect. Oh and yes that's right folks they made 4 of these suckers!

I give this movie 1 Adult Care Bears out of 5

Ghoulies

The mid 80's brought about some of the most memorable movies of all time, Return of the Jedi, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, etc. So with this 1985 flick hopefully that mid 80's magic will rub off on it a bit, if not it still looks like a fun movie.
I remember seeing the poster for this movie and asking my mom to take us, but no way. I don't blame her, I wouldn't let my kids see it either. The need to see this movie faded away until now. I NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE TO COMPLETE MY CHILDHOOD. So I hope it is worth the 26 year wait.

Gym- What No Ninjas?!

I think I dodged a bullet here. I never got around to watching it, but that obviously was a good thing because I get the distinct impression that it Sucked with a capital "S".

So I'll do a review on the reviews.

In one word: awesome. The play on words based on the movie title were great. And the ruthless bashing of this movie warms my heart. You could really feel the reviewer's pain as you read their articles.

Overall I give their reviews 10 Whiskey Shots out of 5 (you know, to help them forget this awful movie).

I bet if there were ninjas in this movie it would be ten times better, because ninjas are awesome.

~B-Man

Gymwhata the hell is happening?

Ok, where to start. First off it took me 20 minutes to figure out what was going on, and I only figured that out because we stopped to look up the plot on IMDB.
You could barely here the poorly written dialog performed by the horrible actors.
Gymkata never really made its appearance, I expected an incredibly awesome hybrid of martial arts and acrobatics of gymnastics but only saw pajama ninjas running into the guys feet as he did the pommel horse. Sigh.
This movie just sucked.
The movie totally changed directions and got a little interesting when he made it to the town of the crazies. If this movie was about just being stuck in that town then it might have been interesting, but it wasn't, so it sucked, still.
Every actor was horrible, the casting of the king was totally misplaced. He looked and acted like Mel Brooks and didn't emulate the persona of a king at all, stupid.

To sum this movie up there was barely any gym and no kata.

This gets 1 conveniently placed gymnastic equipment out of 5




Here is the main character just as confused and bewildered as I was during the movie.

Can't believe I stayed awake for GYMKATA!

Well I did it again boys, I picked a real winner! I was expecting one of those so cheesy its good martial arts movie and all I got was a semi-flexible dude and a totally misunderstood story line! We actually had to look up the premise on the internet to figure out what the heck was going on.

By the name and trailer of the movie you assume there will be some new fangled martial arts mixed with gymnastics, one guy kickin' the butts of overwhelming hordes, and superb skill like no other man on the planet but all you get is disappointment. Disappointing characters, disappointing plot and disappointing action! The best part was crazy town (which wasn't that crazy), where all the criminally insane are sent. Oh and there is an unsuspecting surprise in this town........... Kurt's father (whom we have heard nothing about up until this point so we don't really care!) This movie was Lame, lame LAME!!!!

I give it 1 Dominique Dawes could have done it better out of 5

Gymcaca

Wow. That trailer is misleading. I buckled myself in for a fun, ninja kicking, experience, but what I got was a boring kick in the junk.... without ninjas.. at all.. :'(

The acting is bad, the plot is ridiculous, and Gymkata is awesome terrible.

First of all the movie is suppose to be about Gymkata, right? That's the name of the movie.

Low and behold, there was about maybe 20 mins of gymkata in the entire movie. Gymkata was suppose to be a revolutionary new style of mix martial arts, but instead it was Kurt doing flips over people and running away. The only time he would actually be efficient in fighting is if there was gym related equipment laying around that he could use.

"Oh shi.. bad guys! Luckily there is a low hanging bar here between two buildings! I'm really lucky I can jump up and reach it! Oh good, it's chalked up already so I can swing around on it... Awesome the bad guys don't look and run into my swinging legs. Gymkata is super effective!"

The movie starts out with a montage, proceeds into a baloney story about a "game", and then ends with Kurt running around in Resident Evil 4.

The Goods: Some poor dude got knocked over by a horse in the scene where prisoners are set free and the warriors start chasing them. It was clearly a goof no one bothered editing out.

Here is an animated gif so you can see what I mean (without having to expose yourself to the movie again.)

The Bads: Gymkata

The Moral: Learn Karate. If you learn karate you don't need a pommel horse to kick people in the head.

The Rating: 1 arrow to the torso out of 5

Gymkata

This one going to be a real winner!!! I can tell. Nothing says awesome like tight pants, flips and karate kicks!

"The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate."

I apologize in advance for any broken lamps. I know that after watching this one we will all want to try out some new moves!

Just wow...

This is a bad movie, but that's not the point. This movie has one of the best final fight sequences of all time.
As Jeremy has so kindly illustrated, the guy FLYING KICKS HIM THOUGH THE FONT WINDOW.
That was awesome. Movies don't usually have this simple awesome kind of solution to the bad guy coming to get you. You would only think of this when you were a kid playing with your action figures, that's what makes it so awesome.
Awesome 80's nostalgia throughout, pretty formulaic action flick, I really forgot about the plot however.
If NBC ever figures out that Jay Leno is incredibly untalented and fires him we sure hope to hell that we will never see him acting because he's even worse at that than his comedy, neeyah. His comedic timing, his actual acting, it all sucks. I thought we were supposed to like the heroes in buddy Cop flicks, not this one.
Pat Morita however is as good as he always is, funny and good acting.

I give this move 1 shitty comedian out of 5
but I give the ending 6 totally awesome kick ass flying kicks out of 5

Moral of the story, Jay Leno sucks.

When Courses Collide

Collision Course was pretty cheesy. I like cheese.

Jay Leno and Pat Morita didn't really play off each other very well, in fact they went together like oil and vinegar. Pat Morita was charming as usual, and his drunk scene was pretty funny, but then the camera would cut to Jay 'hammy acting' Leno and the scene would get punched in the junk.

The Goods: A fun period piece (yeah I'm calling it a period piece).

Crazy 80s music and stupid action. Example of stupid action: grenade + cartfuls of watermelon = end of train chase.

The Bads: Neeeaahhhhhh <- Jay Leno

The Moral: Buy your cars from Japan

Rating: 5 because I said I would out of 5
Wait... 5!? did I make a typo?!?!

Sadly no. and here is why:

Collision Course? More like crash and burn!

I should have known at a glance. First clue of terrible is Jay Leno! Holy smokes you want some bad acting..... Leno is prime example he is worst than Keanu Reaves!!!! I was hoping Mr. Miyagi would save the movie, maybe train a couple karate experts (small but mighty) to really kick butt and become the new "buddy cops" but alas my dreams were shattered.

The most exciting part in this movie: a flying kick through a windshield that squishes the antagonist's head like it was nutty putty!!!! Woohoo. While this motion is taking place you are thinking "no, he's not really going to, OMG he did!!!"

I took you through the whole movie now you don't have to watch it! :D

I give this movie 1.5 sweep the leg Johnnys out of 5.

This is Mr. Myagi destroying "Leno san's" dreams.

Shameless-Product-Placement-and-Racism Course

This is a by-the-book buddy cop movie and that is not a compliment.

When I say by-the-book, I mean they just took the bare bones buddy cop template and slapped Jay Leno into it. I've seen some crappy buddy cop movies (*cough*NationalSecurity*cough*), but they were still comedy gold compared to this Jay-Leno-as-a-Cop-Thinking-He's-Funny bull crap. And the racism, wow! It wasn't relevant to anything, it was just kinda awkward.

I was really hoping that Mr. Miyagi would bring something interesting to the table (kinda like what Jackie Chan did for Rush Hour), but nope. He just decides to help enforce the racial stereotype for the rest of the dumbass story. Though I have to admit the last scene of this movie was pretty epic. As I'm watching it unfold I'm like, "There's no way he's going to do what I think he's gonna do", and then he totally does it.

[Spoilers!] A friggin flying kick into the windshield of a car barreling down the alley, but instead of bouncing off and flying around like a rag doll he busts through the glass and obliterates the bad guy's head WTF![End Spoilers]

It was so ridiculous that it did a flying kick into the realm of awesomeness. But even that level of awesome cannot save this movie from oblivion, where it belongs.

I give this movie 1 Banzai out of 5 (just because of the epic ending).

Our lispy star and sidekick for this abomination.

If anyone reading out there plans on watching this, DON'T!

And if you insist on watching it do yourself a favor and skip to the only good part of this movie: the end.

~B-Man

New collision movie topic of course

Here is a real winner. Maybe.

The Phrophecy, more like the Disapointacy

Well, I can't really remember all the details of this just the overwhelming feeling that something big might happen and it will be so cool cause Christopher Walken is in it with Casey Jones and the guy who was fired from being Marty Mcfly. And then the end came... the end of the movie.
Nothing really exiting happened. I can't even remember who all died. Yawn fest.
Judging by the cast and the synopsis this seemed like a really good movie.
I'm giving it 2 don't judge a book by its covers out of 5.

I thought the scene where Christopher Walken was sitting on the steps with the kids kinda pervish.
Come HEre... little GIrl... I've got a TRUMpet... do you wanna BLOW it... for Me... I'm GAbriel

Prothetic

Get it? It's like pathetic but I incorporated the title of the movie kinda! Anyhoo... the Prophecy could have done so much more! I really liked the story line, I had extremely low expectations for this movie so when I actually watched it I was a little surprised! I am not saying it was a good movie, I am just saying it had a good premise! I am a fan of supernatural/ spiritual being anything so its hard to rate this movie. There were some really unacceptable parts in this movie ie. open mouth kisses for little girls from much older men, eyeless angels and Cassey Jones without the turtles! Some positive points...ummm... pretty writing in the lost passage of the bible and...Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer saving the day!

I wish they would have tied up some loose ends like Thomas reconciling his faith, and perhaps explaining the deal with that teacher and her attachment to Mary. When I went home sick from school non of the teachers came to check on me or tuck me in!

Overall I give this movie 2.25 spit swappin' souls out of 5

Living in a Cereal World!

Serial Mom was definitely the better of movies thus far! It was funny, gruesome, and gave me a motivational boost of sanity. Beverly (Kathleen Turner), is a suburban mom who just can't take it anymore. Gum chewing, extending her husband's work hours, parking spot stealing are just some of the things that sets her off. From the unexpected events to the items used to do "the deeds" this movie is edge of the seat thrillingish.

I give this movie 3 flew over the cuckoo's nests out of 5

This is when Beverly attacks the older lady with the turkey, notice the blood, very severe!

the Mundane Prophecy

The title was suppose to be a pun on the Mothman Prophecy...eh?

To really tell if you enjoyed a movie, you should be thinking about it AFTER the movie is done.

If you watch a movie and you are still thinking about the story, certain characters, or even certain feelings, then it was probably a good movie. It made some sort of connection with you.

The Prophecy was the opposite of that. It was one of those movies that I'll probably forget about seeing in a year or so.

The Goods: If someone a year from now asks me if I'd seen the Prophecy. I'd probably say "I don't think so..."

The Bads: If someone a year from now asks me if I'd seen the Prophecy. I'd probably say "I don't think so..."

The 1st Moral: Remember Kids: Never hang out with creepy grown men! They might give you mints, but all they want is your soul!

The 2nd Moral: Having some homeless guy in your school give you mouth to mouth isn't a way to gain a soul. Its a way to gain something else. something gross. (Especially if he was previously kissing dead guys.)

The Rating: 2 I don't give a cares out of 5

The one good thing about this movie was that I got to draw Christopher Walken Vs Casey Jones. I haven't drawn Casey Jones since I was like ten. Awesome.

If you don't know why I drew Casey Jones, then shame on you!

Serial Mom rocks

I really like this movie. From the unsuspected filthy language to the under the table leg workings of Beverly Sutphin. This movie runs along at a quick pace and is fun to watch and surprisingly bloody.

Here is a drawing of Kathleen Turner (well its a quasi Kathleen Turner, I'll just call it Kathleen Turner-ish) at the point of the movie when I realized she was crazy.

I give this 4 bloody gores out of 5.

I'm Super Serial

Serial Mom:
This movie was actually pretty good! It was zany, funny and I enjoyed the the story.
Beverly Sutphin (Kathleen Turner) was a delightful character. Although she'd drop an air-conditioner onto someone, or make multiple prank phone calls, she is still someone you like and would root for.

The teens in this movie were kinda annoying. They really pushed obsessive traits into the characters and I think if they were a bit more subtle it would have read a bit better.

The Goods: An overall absurd and fun movie. Kathleen Turner's crazy performance. The bathroom yell.

The Bads: Nothing really terrible sticks out. Maybe how Beverly lost the cops by driving over someone's lawn... there must be a deleted scene out there somewhere. (I've seen COPS. It's not that easy)

The Moral: Always rewind your tapes!

Rating: 4 smacks to the head with a turkey leg out of 5

Here is a (very) quick doodle of the aforementioned bathroom yell.

Please listen to the sound effect for maximum experience:

"She is Armed and F***ing Crazy!"

This was a fun movie! I was a little skeptical at first, but "Serial Mom" starts to grow on you after awhile. It's easy to see why this became a cult classic.

I really have nothing bad to say about this one. It was a fun, well-paced, comedy about murder. It was funny (and kind of disturbing) how the smallest things would set Beverly off. She was like the friggin Judge Dread of table manners; judge, jury, and executioner (especially executioner) of anyone that would dare to disregard the smallest rule. The murder of neighbour Ralph Sterner was one of my favorites among Beverly's many victims. She still acted sweet and  nice all while whipping those scissors around like they were throwing knives, and then decided it would be more fun to drop an air conditioner onto him from the second storey window. But the best part came after all the happy-go-lucky killings, which was her trial.  Holy crap, was that great; I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't watched it yet (something I forgot to consider in my previous review, sorry about that).

I give this move 4 Cracked Fabergé Eggs out of 5.

"I don't know what it is about today but I feel great."

~B-Man