Monday, May 30, 2011

Porky Schmorky

Well I watched this movie about a week and a half ago so it's a little tough to remember some of the comments I had but i will try. I could not tell when this movie was suppose to be taking place. It seemed to be late 50's ish but then the teens language and conduct was more like a movie of the 80's and 90's. Their cars and clothing were vintage as well. Oh and holy nudity! I should have guessed from the front cover of the movie but it caught me off guard. It was movie cheese at its finest, I love the pulling down of Porky's at the end the only thing that could have made that scene better would have been ........ a montage!!!! Overall just a fun movie to watch.

I give this movie 3 Faulty Plumbings out of 5

Friday, May 27, 2011

No strippin... no dippin

This movie started off a little more crude than I thought it would. But it turned out this movie actually had a plot. REVENGE. Or so I thought. But then it wandered around to other adult pranks and predicaments. But then it went back to the revenge plot. And holy crap they ripped the whole building down, ha. No prank just rip the building down and piss off the jerk that can kill you. But it was a trap that wrapped up pretty easily, pretty good revenge I guess. Bad writing though.

Judging by the poster and all the juvenile sex talk in the opening of this movie I thought we were in for something worse that all the American Pie movies combined. It actually turned out to be kind of a good movie. 80's you've done it again. This was one of the movies that started this kind of genre and I guess it is pretty tame by today's standards. Again this was one of those movies I was not allowed to see when I was little, but it probably would have been OK except for a couple scenes.

Well all in all, this movie had alot going on, the pranks, police corruption, classic phone gags, racism, sexual assaults with a huge inflatable, explosions, seemingly unending story running into the credits. But I'll give it 2.5 horribly acting Kim Cattralls out of 5

Here is the never before seen cropped out portion of the porky's poster.
This one was truly drawn in 60 seconds, blecchh.

Monday, May 16, 2011


This week is Corina's pick, and since she still won't get an account, here's her post:
Well, don't wanna sound like a perv, but let's watch Porky's. This is a classic from the 80's, I think, but I have never actually watched it. Enjoy the Pork Fest guys! Corina

Sunday, May 15, 2011

no hay escapatoria

Whoops, I went all Espanol on the title there.
Well, this was a pretty good movie, as I remembered it.
This movie was made in 1994, the dawn of the digital age, and I noticed that the special effects on this one were not digital but optical. Probably one of the last few big action movies to use that type of technology, maybe.
The sets reminded me of Waterworld or Hook, you got the feeling that you were on a set, but that kinda has a charm to it.
One thing I didn't like was the wimpy Dillon brother, messing up the whole plan like that, and then was killed anyway, what a bother. On the other hand, Ray Liotta held his own as the action star.

I'll give this one 3.5 thank god Kevin Coster wasn't in this one's out of 5

This part made me lol when the 2 inept guards were skewered by an arrow then gave a hilarious scream/look and fell down the shaft. I though it was funny.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Escape From Absolom...I mean No Escape

This was a really good movie, I will definitely watch it again in the future. I wouldn't even mind owning it!!! I find it hard to think of Ray Liotta as a bad ass because I always think of him as Manny the dad from Corrina Corrina. when Captain Robbins got dropped off at Absolom I thought he was going to join the "lost boys" and they were going to plan their escape, while fighting against majestic wild beasts, jungle disease and indigenous cannibal tribesman. I was a little off. I liked the way it ended up playing out.

Lots of action, good story and I cared about the characters. An enjoyable movie to watch! Great pick!

I give this movie 4.25Grown men's diaries out of5

Escape? Nope!

Who knew Ray Liotta running around an island could be this much fun?

Seriously though, I have a headache so I'm gonna keep this short.

The Goods: Good Movie. It was entertaining and fun.
The Bads: The whiny kid was a little annoying, but I guess he was important for the story progression.
Life lesson: Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Rating: 4 Homemade Christmas Trees out of 5

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

No Escape

Well, here you go, I saw this in the theater when it came out and thought to myself after, "I would see that gain".
Well its been17 years and I haven't seen it again... until now, well later I guess.
What more could you ask for, Liotta, a Ghostbuster, a Dillon, the android from Aliens, and a guy who I thought was Dennis Hopper, wow! Too much for me, I'm waay excited.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Going To Need More Then A Prayer

I am on a roll, I just keep picking gems. I thought this movie would be an extreme mighty ducks meets double pretty much was. It even had a cheesy version of "the flying V". An angsty gang of teens has taken over the streets and the distribution of the drug mist, our Charley Conway of the movie Griffin(Corey Haim) has to become apart of the rollerboys (against his better judgement) for the cops. Armed only with good looks, mad blading skills, and a sweet pair of pants he single handedly takes down the rollerboys as well as a duo of dirty cops. He gets the girl, saves his father figure Speedbagger, and earns his younger brother an education. I love happy endings.

This movie wasn't terrible. It kind of jumped all over the place though and it really didn't explain why or how the rollerboys came into power. However I did enjoy the rollerblading scenes with Griffin and I can appreciate the story. Nothing too memorable though.

I give this movie 2.5Crazy Jacob Mist makers out of5


Wow. Elisa can sure pick em'. A nice healthy turd from the movie tree.

The Prayer of the Rollerboys is an action packed thrill ride with constant edge of your seat excitement. The powerful acting and breathtaking story will keep this movie relevant for generations to come.

... Whoops! No, the opposite of that.

The Goods: Somewhat fun very 90s.
The Bads: Boring. At times I thought this movie was running on energizer batteries.
Life lesson: How to make a movie:
1) Pour in a plot centered around an apocalyptic city.
2) Pick an activity that seems extreme.
3) Dash in some made up drug that seems to be the problem of the world.
4) Sprinkle in punks and attitude
5) ?
6) Profit

Rating: 1 hit of 'Mist' out of 5

Payer of the... get me outta here

Prayer of the Rollerboys, what can I say Elisa, you did it again. Not even the the acting prowess of the Haim Machine could save this one.
The day of the Rope-a-dope has not come and we are all the better for it.
Ok for real, this movie was slightly boring, very predictable, the acting was pretty bad, you could tell the kid was just reading the lines right before he said them.
As for the story, well it was ok, if you believe 12 scrawny young men could take over Los Angeles and hold it captive with just their reputaion and a pair of wicked roller-blades, gawd! Pretty lame.
At least we got one last flick from Corey before his career went kaboom!
RIP Corey and RIP this movie.

I give this one 1.5 gory, story, allegory, montessoris out of 5 (figure that reference out, if you can)