Saturday, June 25, 2011

Didn't want to go shopping anyway.

Chopping Mall was a prime example of why we do this blog. A very obscure movie and yet very entertaining. I really enjoyed it! From opening credits to the last couple minutes of the movie I was laughing at all the glorious cheese! The very premiss of this movie doesn't make sense and Corina pointed that out in the first 3 mins of the movie. Killbots in a mall rolling around can be defeated by...stairs. NOT SCARY. Also heights and low spots out of a robot's line of vision, but instead these teens "duck and weave" right in the line of fire. The killing line up was very predictable, they followed the horror movie rules. But Oh the dazzling visual graphics...just stunning. I also loved how the robots sounded like vacuum cleaners, very stealthy. But my favorite part in the whole movie: man rides slow moving scoot buggy into robot and is electrocuted. Epic death of all time.
For all those "B" movie enthusiasts this movie is a must see!!!!

I give this movie 4 air pinchin' intimidations out of 5

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Chopping Mall (1986)

"Where shopping can cost you an arm and a leg" hahaha clever!
I know we are all eager to watch this movie but make sure you watch it in the day time. I can tell this is going to be one of "those" movies that make you jump from your bedroom door into bed and make you have to pee in pairs!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Freedom Isn't free, Jack!

I'm going to try and be nice in this review. I'm not going to be mean or negative.
It's going to be full of sunshine and rainbows.

Freejack was a delightful movie filled with pink race car explosions, time travel and tin foil surgeons using lightning guns to lobotomize Emilio Estevez.

It has digital old men trying to steal young men's body's to live forever and it's full of... Ahhh I can't do it anymore. Freejack wasn't good. It was boring and predictable, none if the characters mattered, the acting was okay, but nothing really happened that was worth the money to put it on screen. I guarantee Anthony Hopkins does not talk about Freejack and probably slaps anyone who brings it up.

All in all the idea wasn't bad, and the acting was okay, but the movie stinks anyway.

Here is how I remember the movie (maybe that's why I didn't like it):

Rating: 1 nibble on Emilio's ear out of 5

BTW isn't it weird that this movie takes place in 2009? It's like watching a movie that takes place in the future, but is still in the past. Head explode!

Monday, June 13, 2011

FreeJack more like PeeVac. Get it a Vacuum that sucks urine?!

Wow...what a movie. What can I say it was 2 hours of computer browsing time. When I am able to browse the web and still be able to know whats going on in the movie thats pretty bad! FreeJack was an educational experience. I learned how to be romatic "nibble my ear for luck", saran wrap has more uses then keeping food fresh, and if you need to blend into a poverty stricken place just limp a little (same goes for if you need to blend in with pirates, I feel completely capable now even if I don't get the help of Tinkerbell). Seeing Emilio brings back the days of the Mighty Ducks I just couldn't help but expect Emilio to yell at some point "Flying V"... it never happened:(
FreeJack was pretty boring I didn't care about the characters, the action scenes were weak to say the least and the special effects could have been done better in my basement! One thing I found amusing in the movie was Brad. The bad guy from Mr. Nanny sans metal plate in his head... I always wondered what he looked like without it. I've concluded he just looks less shiny!
Overall I don't want to watch the movie again, that was 2 hrs of my life that I will miss and I would have rather watched Gymkata again!!!!

I give this movie 1 deadly games of hide and go seek out of 5

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What was this move called again?

Movie makers in the 90's loved to make movies about how America has fallen from the top of the world when it actually was at the top. Now that its in a free fall you won't see any movies like this for many years to come.
This movie had all the ingredients, apocalyptic future, rich have advanced technology poor have nothing, like animals, funny looking futuristic cars. NY 2009 not even close to how it was portrayed in this movie.Its funny how the "futuristic" tv screens are still the old tv tube style.
Lots of familiar faces couldn't help this one. Horrible acting Mick Jaggar, Emilio acting isn't much better. Sir Anthony, what have you done?

Slightly interesting plot but overwhelming who cares because you ultimately know what's going to happen. Basically hey who am I, what happened to me, who did this to me, get revenge or something type story.
I had to laugh when Emilio put that helmet on, way too big for him.
And oooooooh, a big eye, some crappy cg, and viola, they are in some kind of virtual reality mind swap with Anthony Hopkins, wow. Nice twist on the ending but it was pretty predictable.
Perfect way to wrap up a predictable 90's film, a boring one at that.
I give this one 2 cat naps out of 5

So I was really uninspired thinking of something to draw for this so I drew an alien elephant with no ears and chicken feet.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Freejack (1992)

I hope the year 2009 won't be like this...


The Goods: Immature humor. I was pleasantly surprised that it had a decent plot.

The Bads: Porky had his business torn down because he wouldn't let underage durps partake in his establishment. I have to side with Porky in this movie and I was kind of mad at how everything turned out. Those brats had no business being there and that redneck kid didn't need to KEEP going back there.

Life lesson: Highschool is a crazy time! It's full of interesting and outrageous situations! (not really)

Rating: 3 broken headlights out of 5