Monday, April 25, 2011

Prayer of the Rollerboys

Well team I just might have done it again! The majesty of this movie might make it to the bottom of our movie rate o meter. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it. We have some inline skating, explosions and Corey Haim....doesn't get much better then this!

"Better say your prayers, boy... they're coming."

PS. You can thank me later :D

Holes The Gate

This was a pretty decent movie, I was actually a little startled in places.
Had some real nice zombies, muppets and special effects for its day.
The one thing I can't understand, and always made me mad when I was a kid (and still does) is why do monsters just stand there and move around in all their stop-motion awesomeness and not just squash the people. There, problem solved end of movie, the world is under the power of evil. Its like they got caught monologing and were thwarted by the good superhero. Baa.

So would I watch this again, well, I saw it before when I was younger maybe when I was 15, so it didn't really scare me. I do remember when this was in theaters and it was billed a really scary movie, so when I did finally get to see it a few years later I thought it would be a poopfest but it was actually more of an adventure movie. I'd watch it again, or maybe I'll watch THE GATE II, starring the heavy metal kid with a nerd haircut. I think I'll do that.

I give this 2.5 dead Mr. Mugs out of 5 (you young-ins might not get that reference)

Just a quick couple of portraits of the main kids (I couldn't think of anything else to draw)
One's cartoony and ones not (kinda missed the likeness of the kid on the right, oh well)

Gave Me the Heebeejeebees

Pretty decent movie. There was quite a few parts during the movie that creeped me out. The gooey arms from beneath the bed, creepy nudie minions, old construction worker from in the walls and much more. The parents in this movie were both terrible actors, the kids were quite decent. I actually thought they were terrified.
Terry was quite annoying though (Glen's little friend). He drove me insane and I almost cheered when he fell in the hell hole! While partaking in this movie I learned a couple life lessons that I will share with you!

Lesson 5- dress your minions from the petites section or their pants fall off and you may endure skid marks everywhere, bare bums hanging out at the very least.
Lesson 4- when walls start to move around or dead things start to come from the walls it's time for new drywall (or call your landlord)
Lesson 3- if moths grow to be bigger then small birds call an exterminator
Lesson 2- if you suspect your rock of producing a demon or opening the gates of hell, call a geologist
Lesson 1- call before you dig!!! I can't stress this enough.

I give this movie 3.5Angus steaks out of5

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad.

Investigate, interrogate and delegate

The Gate was a creepy little movie, way more creepy then I thought it was going to be.

Since I'm all grown up and awesome now, the movie didn't effect me at all. It was pretty straight forward and everything just kind of meanders along until the finale. However, if I saw this when I was kid, I would have peed my underoos.

Seriously, how did you watch this when you were a kid Brandon? that must have f-'d your fragile little mind.

Those minions were really creepy. the demon mom and dad where ultra creepy. and the shot of the dead family photo was mega creepy. a zombie dragging kids to hell is head-explodingly creepy.

Creepiness aside, the movie's effects where really well done. The composting, makeup, and puppets are topnotch.

The Goods: Fun and creepy movie. I'll probably watch it again sometime.
The Bads: The acting is pretty stiff and awkward.
The Moral: Heavy metal has life lessons.

Rating: 4 melting phones out of 5

Get it? Minions.. hurr hurr

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Not as Creepy as I Remembered

This time around it just seemed kinda cheesy. This movie used to give me nightmares when I was younger, but now the only thing I find horrific is the dialogue.

 I couldn't believe how nonchalant these kids were during the whole ordeal, sure they were screaming but seriously it wasn't even close to the reaction they should have had. They opened a Gate. To. Hell. With demons n' shit! Mind you those demons were pretty pathetic too, they were utterly defeated by one kid. With a model rocket... seriously, a model rocket.

Honorable comedy mention goes to Minion 53; the little freak-out he was having while being stepped on was hilarious.

Crappy writing aside the special effects weren't too shabby. The monster effects were done really well I thought; I liked how they used actors in monster suits for the close up shots of the minions. It gave them a nice creepy vibe. Also how they meshed together the actors in minion suits with the human actors was pretty impressive.

Even though I wasn't freaked out nearly as much as I was when I was younger there is still one shot in the movie that gives me the heeby-jeebies; it's where you can see a minion through the rails of the balcony on the second floor:
This shot, f**k this shot.

Not the worst movie ever, I give it 2 Epileptic Minions out of 5.

And for mindless hilarity, I give you Gary Busey as the minions:


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Gate (1987)

The movie for this week goes by the name of:

The Gate

"The Gate... Prey its not too late!"
(tee-hee it rhymes!)

This movie is full of cool composites and stop-motion horror. At least hats what the trailer looks like. The poster for the movie doesn't look half bad either!

Tremors 2, electric puppetsoo

I kinda like the Tremors movies, they are a nice romp in the movie world.
This one was not as good as the first, thanks to Kevin Bacon. Can't really make a great movie without the Baconator. I guess he was too good for the sequel, it happens.
So they leave it to Fred Ward to return and continue the story.
I like the fact that they figured out how to make new creature thus making it a whole new adventure and not just the same"ooh there's big worms in the ground" thing again.
They added some new interesting characters to liven up the show. I like that the dad from Family Ties shows up with his own personal armory.
The puppets are really cool, some sketchy stop motion and an underwhelming explosion climax scene.
All in all not bad to watch for fun.

I give this 3 big worms giving exploding births out of 5

No Trembling in Tremors 2

Well Tremors 2 was actually one of the better movies we have watched (good pick Brandon). I was expecting some scary/terrifying moments that would have me twitching all over the couch but it mainly consisted of quirky remarks and half bad acting! Tremors2 even had a touching, sentimental part were I began to actually feel bad for the graboids!

I think they could have put a little more effort and funds to the ending of the movie though. "It's going to be BIG" turns out to be medium. That explosion sucked! I could have done better with a lighter and some dust bunnies!

By far my favorite was Burt Gummer(mustache man). " I ... am completely.....out...of ammo" his face was priceless! This movie would not have been as good without him!

I give this movie 3Exploding knuckle buddies out of5

Hey Hey it's the Graboids!

And people say they Graboid around!

Tremors 2 was a fun movie! (any movie that has people running around and shooting at monsters is fun IMO)

I didn't know that there were four Temors movies released. To be honest I don't even really remember the first one. This second one was fun though, and it makes me want to see the other ones. It was probably one of the better movies we have watched so far on this blog. (that says a lot)

The Goods: It's a fun movie monster movie. The use of animatronics was actually impressive.
The Bads: Some acting was really hammy. The worst part was when they made the creatures in CG to make a pyramid. They looked awful.
The Moral: Graboids are like gremlins. I'd hate to see what happens when they get wet.
Rating: 4 "Doing what I can with what I got" out of 5

I'm sorry, I don't know what this is. But it exists now.

It's a Whole New Ball Game!

I think the Tremors movies are great. They're not really scary movies, but that might be because I've watched them so many times! It kinda reminds me of Gremlins, in that it doesn't take itself too seriously and it's just a fun mindless monster movie to watch. It's too bad that Kevin Bacon didn't want to stick with the quadrilogy, but that's fine because he wasn't my favorite character of the franchise. My favorite would have to be Burt Gummer, he always has a blast blowing up graboids.

The monster effects were a lot better in this installment than in its predecessor. They played around a little bit with CG effects (witch were not composited very well; they always seem too bright for the scene), but mostly stuck with the physical puppets (which looked pretty good).

Tremors is a classic, but my favorite out of the franchise would have to be Tremors 2: Aftershocks.

I give this move 4 Pounds of C4 out of 5.

It's Bert! hur hur


Thursday, April 7, 2011

New Topic! Now it's MY Turn >:]

This week's movie is... *drum-roll*

Tremors 2: Aftershocks

Awwwww Yeaaaaaaaaaah

I regret nothing!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Three Stooges + Obesity + Bad Rap =?

A bad movie. ಠ_ಠ

I'm a little bias when it comes to rap, I think most of it is garbage.
The movie, "Disorderlies", starring the "Fat Boys" was not entertaining in any way; it was just annoying. Especially their beat-box farting theme.

I'll give it points for possibly the best line ever: "No, we have to be subtle. Lets kill them with the explosion!"

 I give this movie 1 Bad Rap Band out of 5.

Yes, the one in the back is eating a tree; because, you know, he's health conscious n' sh*t.


Monday, April 4, 2011

Unorganized Orderlies

Disorderlies had rapping in it, so does my review!

This movie was cheese, but watch it if you please. Don't say I didn't warn you, when you are watching the doodoo! Colourful shirts and a sideway hat, nike airs you can't beat that. This movie has dancing, food and rapping too, as well as a greedy blonde nephew! 3 crazy dudes who try real hard, don't worry old man they won't let down their guard. Protect your money with all their might, end with a high five in the daylight!!!!!!

The Fat Boys should not quit there day job. I took the liberty of making an advertisement for a possible new career opportunity. Don't worry Boys, this ones on the house!

I give this movie 2 Wrappin' Rappers out of5

Just Eat It

Disorderlies was a pretty phat movie. Phat like the cool kids say. Not fat like the fat boys.

I also mean phat as in not bad. Not terrible, and not good, just phat. Where am I going here. I lost my train of thought.

Disorderlies was like watching the three stooges, but with bad timing and cheesy acting. Yeah that's it.

The Goods: Overall fun movie, freeze frame high five at the end of the movie.
The Bads: Very predictable, full rap song midway through the movie.
The Moral: Don't make exuberant amounts of money because your nephew will try and kill you.
Rating: 2 Dominos pizza product placements out of 5


I had seen this movie back in the day, and it was a nice trip back to wholesome rap. When songs were about eating food, Freddy, and hip hoppin' and not stoppin' before they changed to ho's, and bitches, and cappin' cronic asses.
That said it was pretty bad. Terrible acting and poor characters, pretty predictable jokes and plot. It was really like a commercial for the Fat Boys, whose careers seemed to disappear from the headlines after this movie for some reason.
Watch it for the fun but don't expect much more.

I give this one 2 dope beats out of 5

Couldn't really think of anything different than the other drawings so I went with a logo type thing.