Monday, February 28, 2011

The Forecast

 After viewing the trailer for "The Prophecy" I was super pumped to see it. Being a fan of the "Supernatural" series I figured this movie was right up my alley! But, sadly, I was disappointed. Granted movies require some suspension of disbelief, but it was really hard for me to do on this one.

It started out great, had lots of potential. But they dropped the ball around the part where they introduced Mary to carry the dark soul the angels were after (The way Simon gave it to her was super creepy too O_O). They could have done so much better with the mithos they were given for this story, but they wasted it all (even Christopher Walken's potential as the angel Gabriel!). I dunno, maybe I went into this with expectations that were too high; but common! ANative American exorcism ritual for something that was obviously a christian-themed myth wtf!? They had an excellent opportunity use the background of Thomas and have him regain his faith through some sort of internal conflict and then finally caving in and performing the exorcism himself.  It even seemed like they were leading up to that from the beginning by showing the detective about to get his priest-hood (or bishop-robe or whatever) before he had an episode in the church and abandoning it to become a Detective instead; then discovering Uziel's bible with the new chapter and deciphering it. But then it all kinda fell flat I felt; sure Daggett gets his faith back in the end, but it was done in a kind of "well-the-movie-is-over-lets-wrap-everything-up" way *pfffffft* lame!

On the plus side: Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) as Lucifer, and Christopher Walken as Gabriel.

Maybe there's hope for it in "The Prophecy II", but I doubt it...

I give it 2 rubber angel faces out of 5.

"What do you love Gabriel?"
"Cracking your skull!"


Double movie week YA WOW!!!!!!!

Whoa, B-man comes out of the closet this week with an unsuspected movie pick at the same time us regulars were about to post a movie.
I thought about waiting but won't it be fun to have 2 movies in one week!! OMG I'm so LOLROTF, BFF, and uh... POOP, and what ever else.

So without further delay here is my wife Corina's pick (she's a little blog shy so I'll post it for her)


Its Serial Mom! A cult classic, so they say.

So, 2 movies, twice the work, double the fun, best movie week ever.

Ninja Movie Topic!

I'll just leave this here...

This week's Movie:
The Prophecy

Starring Christopher Walken (Woo!)

The angel, Gabriel, is on a mission to collect a soul to end the stalemate between Heaven and Hell; and he doesn't plan on asking nicely for it either... DUN DUN DUHHHH!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Land Before Ti- I mean Baby Legend of the Lost Dinosaur

This movie was not too bad, it exceeded my expectations! So I will probably end up going easy on it. Other then it bringing up horrid memories of Little Foot and his mom in Land Before Time and the mediocre acting it held my interest. There was instantly vanishing tribes, white folk trying to have babies, crazy professors, dancing, gun fights and dinosaurs in this movie you get it all. I would have never guessed it would be possible to combine all these at the same time but by golly this movie sure did! The dinosaurs are the best part of the movie by far. They were cute and huggable yet could crush humans with their massive plant chewing jaws. RIVETING!
Look I made a completely seamless dinosaur no problem!

I give this movie 3 "seamless" dinosaurs out of 5 but don't take my word for it.

Rubber dinosaurs galore!!!!

I know this is not a great movie but I like it, mostly nostalgia I guess.
The whole movie is pretty boring, the interaction between the humans and dinosaurs are boring.
There are a few action sequences that show full size dinos running thought the forest or falling and those actually look not that bad considering its just a guy in a suit.
Surprisingly there is a tear jerking moment when you see the budget Disneyland dinosaur dad get shot and killed, then eaten by vultures.
The wide shots of the dinosaurs look much better than the close ups when the seams and crossed eyes of the animals are revealed.
I'm rating this higher than it deserves just because I can remember being wowed as a 10 year old boy when I saw it in the theaters.
I give the dinosaurs 3.5 good from far, but far from goods out of 5

Here's my rendition of the native comic relief hero (no feet because I didn't want to draw them)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Baby back riiiiiibs and BBQ sauce

Here is my review of Baby the Secret of the lost somethingorother...

The movie wasn't terrible. It wasn't very good either. Considering the dumps we had to wade through so far, this was like a picnic.

The human characters were kind of boring, and the back and forth between the good guys and bad guys got a tad tiresome.
The best character in this movie was the crazy scientist/paleontologist/murderer. That dude would do anything for science!

The Goods: Lack of CGI and Seeing the seams in the floppy dino suites.

The Bads: The annoying human characters.

Rating: 3 tranquilizers in a dinosaur's neck out of 5

Here's a little treat I spent a couple hours making. It's better then the movie:

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Yeah BABY!!!!!!

This weeks movie is Baby: The Secret of the Lost Legend, a movie about dinosaurs found in the modern age made before dirty computer graphics and Jurassic Park.

I loved this movie when it came out. I remember drawing pictures of the dinosaurs in school and making little play-dough Brontosaurs. Ahh the memories....

So hopefully this movie is as magical as I remember and its not going to #2 on my childhood.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Should have Walkened away from Touch!

TERRIBLE!!!! This was an awful movie! You are expecting a comedy because that is what's falsely advertised and all you get is blood and bore. Skeet's stigmata like tendencies and Bridget Fonda's perky nippies are the points (haha get it points?) in the movie I remember most.

Here is a movie summary: Hi I am Juvenile watch me bleed and cure, blah blah blah... me and miss pointy nips are in love, now I can't bleed, blah blah blah... AHhhhhhh! (sound of Tom Arnold out the window)....... VrRRRoOOooom (love birds drive away in a car) Blah! SnoozaPalooza.

I give this movie .75 MGM you let me down out of 5


Yup this was a sleeper.
This is what I remember, Bridget Fonda needs a bra, Skeet walks up to people looking all creepy and touches them, Tom Arnold's best movie is still True Lies, and Christopher Walken will make me watch any movie as long as he is in it.

At least we got to do our Christopher Walken impressions during the slow parts (which was the whole movie).


I give this 1 walking shot of Christopher Walken out of 5

A little touch of boring

Imma make this quick.

Touch was boring. Maybe it would have been better if I was in the mood for this type of movie, but I wasn't.

I was ready for a comedy movie. The funniest part was when Tom Arnold got pushed out a window. weee

The Goods: Christopher Walken

The Bads: ZZZZ

Rating: 1 because Christopher Walken was in it out of 5

I didn't know what to draw so I redrew the VHS cover to make it more appropriate:

Monday, February 7, 2011


So this week I picked the movie Touch. It has an all star line up of.... CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, SKEET ULRICH, TOM ARNOLD & BRIDGET FONDA.

"Everyone wants a piece of the action"
MGM means great movies, I hope their right or this will be 1 hour and 36 minutes of brain gooeyness.

Hope I don't get kicked off the blog for this one! Happy watching!

I just want you to know you have the biggest...

This movie is wonderfully horrible.
Its got everything you need, lots of nudity, violence, stereotypical gangs (black, bikers and Asians oh my), wonderful acting (mostly by Dolf), superb dialogue, whew I have to rest for a bit before I go on....

Ok , I'm back, and to top it all off its got a training montage by Dolf and its not even a fight movie. After that Dolf dressed up like an anime karate kid and kicks ass!!! Oh ya and Brandon Lee is in it, he sucks.

I give this 1.5 spinning, on fire from fireworks, dead guys out of 5

Here's Dolf and one of the bad guys.

Friday, February 4, 2011

You have the right to remain dead!

Elisa and I watched Showdown in Little Tokyo last night.

One word review: Wow! not in a good way

Another one word review: Sorry

This movie was not what I was expecting. I honestly thought it was going to be a buddy cop movie or something (like rush hour or lethal weapon.)

I’m not sure what this was. It was kind of like a buddy cop movie, but it really wasn’t. The story was boring, the acting was terrible, no characters meshed, and the overall tone didn’t make sense. It was sometimes light hearted, but then they would throw in a topless lady or slice off someone's limb.

Sometimes a movie can be so bad that it goes full circle until it's good again.

Showdown in little Tokyo almost made it back to the good side. It was close but no cigar.

The Goods: Some things were pretty fun. Exploding parade floats, cheesy acting, stuffing underwear full of weapons.

The Bads: Overwhelming feeling of 'this isn't very good'

I’m giving this 2 car tipping Dolph Lundgrens out of 5

Anyone want to buy a dvd for $3.50+tax?

I didn't know what to draw so I drew that poor guy who cut his finger off.

Dolph should have stuck to golf. (For this movie at least)

I am always a fan of martial arts movies but this one was an exception. Brandon Lee's random quirky comments and the extremely slow fight scenes made it more like Kindergarten Cop then Bad Boys. Which is fine if you are trying to achieve a Kindergarten Copesk movie, but I don't think that's what they were going for.
With such a large budget they could have done much better. I think most of the funds went to shirtless ladies and pyrotechnics. I never realized that the spinny, round, knife throwing target was so flammable and dangerous! You learn something new everyday.

Overall this movie was a big "meh!" in my books. The story was non original, it had lame lines and boring fight scenes. They didn't even use Brandon Lee and Dolph Lundgren to their full potential for martial arts. Who knew Japanese warriors use guns! Oh and let's not forget about that terrible leather jacket and the too big suits everyone wore!!!! Yuck.
I give this movie 1.75 bulging biceps out of 5

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Showdown in Little Tokyo

This week I have chosen the movie: Showdown in Little Tokyo

Movie Info:
- This motion picture was made in 1991
- It's Budget:$8,000,000
- It's domestic gross: $2,275,557
- I bought this DVD last night for $3.50. I'm hoping it's worth it.

The cavalcade of stars include: the Crow, Ivan Drago, Shang Tsung, and Wayne's girlfriend.

"They are two LA cops that are hungry for a little takeout"

Sorry in advance.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Freaked Out

This was one weird-ass movie. The show started off somewhat bad, but like a mutated growth it kinda grew on you. It really felt like an old David Zucker movie, which in my opinion is a good thing.

The acting was pretty terrible and really over the top. Randy Quaid was probably the best actor in this and that alone gives you an indication on how good the movie is.
The lack of acting was probably the reason why many of the Jokes didn't work. The redeeming factor, at least for me, was the set design and character prosthetics. It was a visually fun movie to watch.

Overall I thought it was a decent movie and I can understand why it has a cult following. It's worth at least one viewing.

This is a bit generous but I'm going to give it: 3 curly toes out of 5

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What did I think?

Well, here we go.
I had seen this movie before and thought it sucked then, it still sucks but not as bad as I thought it did. This movie cost 11million to make and they probably spend it all on make up and set design and skimped on the acting lessons.
Personally I like the animatronics and makeup. Keanu Reeves' acting is on par with everything else he's done.
I'll probably never watch this movie again, but I'm glad I did.
I give it 3 dead drama teachers rolling over in their grave out of 5.

The doodle was a 5 min scribble of the annoying kid from memory. My kids have been watching Lilo and Stitch constantly as of late so it kinda has a little of that flavor to it. I don't know what the body is doing, just a quick fill-in.